My church bulletin this week has this to say:

Most of us are having some wonderful stirrings of the Spirit and our emotions are being stirred as well in the process. Here’s what William Barclay had to say about stirred emotions.

“There is nothing more dangerous than the repeated experience of a fine emotion with no attempt to put it into action. It is a fact that every time a man feels a noble impulse, without taking action, he becomes less likely to ever take action. In a sense, its true to say that a man has no right to feel sympathy unless he at least tries to put that sympathy into action. An emotion is not something in which to luxuriate; it is something which, at the cost of effort and of toil, of discipline and of sacrifice, must be turned into the stuff of life.”

SO…Let our ‘feelings’ be turned into actions by reaching out to others with the Love of Jesus.

I can attest to the feeling of a sudden impulse to do something, kickstart a project, shoutout a cause, run a marathon (if I could). But to know whether these feelings are really from the Lord, someone told me I must pray and seek wisdom from the Holy Spirit.

I wonder what has God in store for me after my own needs are met. Maybe champion the rights of people with genetic disorders? Hmmm…

Last night, we had a charity dinner at Golden Sun Club. All 22 tables were fully occupied. Attendees include old and young alike. Apart from the RM30,000 mock cheque presented to me, my merchandise were also on sale at the dining hall.

Golden Sun Club did a much better job than I anticipated. The moment I stepped in, the first thing I noticed was my own photos everywhere. Apparently, they browsed my website and took some photos to be made into posters and cardboards. They even had a stage set specially designed for my cause.

Since it’s mid-autumn festival, paper lanterns were hung from the ceiling. We even had dumplings! When they called me a week before to say that all 250 shirts handed to them were sold out, I wondered how they did it. The answer was clear last night. All their staff, from managers, emcee, to waiters bought and wore the shirts at the dinner! Wow… the passion for HEART4HOPE was at every corner.

While we ate, there were musical performances by local artistes. The dancers were quite some eye candies *wink* *wink* Though I, as a girl, wasn’t perverted enough to go shoot a photo of the 1st singer’s 150% bareback dress.

Towards the middle, there was an alcohol auction. The guys occupying the table in front of mine were so excited, they stood and hauled at people who overbid them. What a sight! Most of them could be seen wearing Dweey badges. Can you imagine, guys in their 30s wearing dweey badges? So kind of them to have done it for me! The highest bidder was a woman. RM6,388 for a bottle of XO.

However, by time I went on stage to receive the mock cheque and give a speech, 50% of the people already left after having dessert.

So to those who came last night and missed my speech, I would like to THANK YOU ALL FOR SUPPORTING! The dinner gave me tremendous confidence and comfort, knowing that despite the occasional sour grapes, kind people are just around the corner to make a difference that goes a long way.

Many thanks to Golden Sun Club for the hardwork and initiative!

Coming up next, the food.

No, you’re not hallucinating. Those who have been reading this blog long enough would find this layout familiar. Let me refresh your memory. This was last seen during my winning of the 2005 Dream Malaysia award. Does it right a bell?

The reason why I decided to switch back to something more down-to-earth has got to do with my innate desire to write. In the past year, circumstances kept changing and my popularity soared to great heights, though not as high as Siti Nurhaliza, no, still far from that. But what was at first an adversary proved to be a gateway to self-discovery. I took the opportunity to discover my inner-self. What kind of writer am I? Though John couldn’t emphasize enough that simple layouts suited me best, I didn’t quite believe him, because I wanted to be like any other bloggers out there. If they can, why not me? So naturally, the public began witnessing a major transition taking place here. From that of a girl-next-door, this blog became a bulletin board. I would not deny the possibility that my sudden change of personality might have offended many people.

I am not changing back to my old self to please people, because I don’t have to. Those who support me will continue to support endlessly. I have absolute faith in them. However, writing in itself is a path to self-discovery. Perhaps some may expect me to behave like the stereotypical teenager out there, but in truth, as many would attest, writing is an exploration of the sub-conscious mind, a medium to express things we would normally not speak about. Writers write because we have to.

Lately, I am often caught in a Catch-22 situation, whereby this writer doesn’t know whether to write particular topics on her blog, or in her column in YellowPost. This is strange because once upon a time, I used to abuse the freedom of expression, so much so that I seemed to have no pride to protect at all. I didn’t care much what others may think of me. I wrote because I had to. Like it or not.

Being popular forces me to choose either this or that, and safe to say, I chose to be the writer I am. Fame and fortune, and whatever that comes along, will come along naturally.

I chose to write. even though some may say I’m manipulative. After all, what is a writer who sits on the fence?

Someone who bought my HEART4HOPE earrings want to buy another pair, preferably of another design. So after chatting with the earring maker, April, I showed her catalog to the girl.

After browsing through the extensive collection, the girl chose these Swarovski© Pearl Drops earrings.. Aren’t they beautiful? These are genuine crystals made into an original earring design.

The girl’s earrings will be specially made at the time of order. A portion of the sales will go towards my medical fund. How sweet of April. Thanks girl.

Hmmm… makes me wonder. Are crystal earrings more appealing and easier to sell? They are more expensive than the ones made of clay, but April’s prices are rather reasonable.

Wanna have a look at April’s newly launched collection, Vanity Vault? Note that prices stated are not for charity. (for charity, when a portion goes to me, slightly more expensive la hehe)

I spent this afternoon contemplating what I should wear to dinner . The management staff showed me photos of previous dinner proceed beneficiaries, which were conveniently displayed in the club.

Most of them attended the dinner looking pitiful, but I can’t bring myself to wear like them. It is only natural and appropriate to dress up decently to a 10-course ballroom dinner.

This afternoon, I took out some dresses and tried them on. I even snapped some photos to show Cordy and John. Should I wear this? or should I wear that? But needy people in Malaysia don’t wear so nice woh…

Then I thought, but what are the dinner attendees gonna think of me, a needy NF patient in a BEAUTIFUL dress?

But John said I should not care. It is my role to change ill-informed mindsets society has about needy people.

I figured that if they ever ask, I’ll say, “when I became needy, I couldn’t bring myself to throwing out clothes and replacing them with rags.”

Love frightens in an ironic sort of way. Like an expected surprise, that would not fail to cause excitement nevertheless. The bible says, “Faith is a substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.� Like rainfall, you know when it’s coming. The weather changes, there is breeze. But you would still feel more melancholy than usual when it’s finally here.

The same can be said about the heart. Although the mind is capable of perceiving natural feelings, the heart will always be unprepared for surprises. Perhaps that is what makes life interesting.

In another instance, are book reviews. It’s interesting how readers become more keen to spend money on a book after reading the synopsis. Book reviews leave readers wanting more.

Those who enjoy buying gifts for loved ones would attest to the excitement in seeing the joy of its receiver, when the gift is presented to them. Surprise! That big pearly eyes and extended smile is priceless. You know it’s coming, yet you want just as much to see the smile on her face.

Because it makes the heart fuzzy. It makes you feel in love.

Time to show off……………

MY NEW FLEECE BLANKEY!

I wanted to buy one since a long, long time ago, but too stingy since I already had a comforter. Each time I visited Ikea, I would pick up a blue “rug” as they tend to call it, only to place it back out of guilt moments later.

So my unspoken desire to own a “rug” remain a secret only God knew… until YESTERDAY…

My childhood friends, Lydia and Ee Von came visiting. They bought me this fleece blanket!!

Wah… so surreal, you know? I mean, friends and the public buy me gifts from time to time, from CD burner to termos mug to mooncakes, but this one is exceptional because…

Of all things, How did they know I wanted a “rug”?

God must have whispered to them, eh?

p/s: my blankee is so hugilywoogilybeary cute! I’m gonna hug it during emo sessions with the unfortunate friend.

As a member of Amnesty International, I receive frequent e-mail updates from the global human rights organization, mostly to collect signatories in championing the causes of others.

One recent e-mail is about the Darfur Crisis in Sudan. Amnesty International is urging the United Nations to intervene by sending peacekeepers to control the alarming situation.

After an overview discussion, John and I agreed the Darfur Crisis is beyond the United Nations’ control.

In John‘s words, the United Nations are “peacekeepers�, not “peacemakers�. Hence, they will only intervene when all parties involved agrees to ceasefire and make peace.

The Darfur Crisis is between black African farmers and Arab nomads who herd livestock. Both are fighting over the furtile grounds of Sudan. The Arab government bomb the homes of black Africans, in an attempt to drive the locals out of the country, replacing them with Arab families.

This is an internal crisis that we’re talking about. Without the agreement of the Arab government to ceasefire and make peace, the United Nations are not welcomed to intervene. It is also America’s policy to only be involved in cases where they have something to gain.

To explain this, let us go back to the civil crisis in Somalia . Video footages of Somalis in starvation was aired over CNN in 1991, causing Americans to pressurize their government for humanitarian intervention. The United States granted it’s citizens’ wish, by getting involved even though Somalia had no economic significance.

However, a major backlash broke out when peacekeepers were attacked by civilians while unarmed and offloading food. The following year, United Nation helicopters were shot down while flying over the city. In an attempt to secure the crash site, American soldiers were cornered by people they were intending to save. In John’s words, it “became the bloodiest firefight since the Vietnam War.�

In the aftermath, bodies of slain American soldiers were dragged through the streets of Mogadishu by jeering mobs. The traumatic scene was captured on video and aired over CNN. Americans were shocked that by being kind to intervene, their men were attacked and killed. With such, President Clinton withdrew troops from Somalia. Without the backing of the United States, the U. N. mission collapsed.

Since then, it has become a policy of the United Nations to only intervene when there is something to gain, because American lives are at risk in each deployment. Besides, such missions are not cheap. As stated in a report, the Somali intervention cost $42,931,700 nett, but it was not appreciated by the people of Somalia.

Here’s an update on my pre-surgery preparations. I’ve been in touch with my surgery counsellor, Laurie Arranaga, and the ABI co-ordinator, Steve Otto, regarding the payment, surgery briefings, appointments, and so on.

Steve Otto is with the House Ear Institute, whereas Laurie and Dr. Friedman is with House Clinic. For this surgery which involves tumor removal and the implantation, two other surgeons will be involved besides Dr. Friedman and Dr. Hitselberger. So, for a few days I worried we might not be able to do it on the 25th October as previously arranged. But praise the Lord for providing, all surgeons are now confirmed free to do the surgery on that day.

Besides separate correspondence with Steve and Laurie, I am also trying to get hold of Jeani, the co-ordinator of Seton Guest Center, and also the admission officer at St. Vincent Medical Center. Unfortunately, their e-mails don’t work for me. I tried using both gmail and my domain client, but both failed.

Meanwhile, Cordy is trying to get me air ticketa at half price at the Matta Fair. We’re also doing all we can to raise the remainder sum needed for the entire surgery plus a little more for consultations. We pray to get RM230,000 by 22nd October 2006.

Yesterday, I received a cheque of RM20k from a good samaritan. The counter on the right is updated so do keep an eye.

Please continue praying for us!

So, it’s been donkey years I suffer from a dry right eye prior to the first brain surgery. The eyelid, altough can open and close normally, does not stop the eye from getting dry and sometimes mildly irritating at night. Whenever I cry, that eye would not tear.

After reading some FRANTIC advice pertaining to this post, I wised up and bought myself this!

I feel so ashamed! Malaysian surgeons never told me that dry eyes without treatment can cause blindness! I went on day in day out for three years without using eyedrops, because i figured my situation isn’t as bad as the people using them. You know… like how patients need to ween off painkillers, I didn’t wanna become dependant on eyedrops. I didn’t know it was for the worse!

Indeed, my eyesight has been dwindling for a reason that is now apparent.

So much more to learn about the human body.