This evening my senile and mentally confused father came asking me what time I needed to go college. Growing up in a chaotic home, in the face of countless high-pitch quarrels and unreasonable shoutings, I have learned to sometimes avoid my father. Not because I dislike him, but to avoid feeling hurt and resentful.
Now that I realized dad is mentally unstable since the brain hemorrhage more than 18 years ago, I begin to understand why he does what he does, helplessly controlled by a brain that survived a burst vein.
I grew up a bitter child. When Aunt Ivy passed away, I cried so much I sometimes wish dad never existed.
But when dad came to me today, my head lowered, his failing eyes look intently into mine, searching for a response, I see a caring father whose love prevailed despite his unreasonable behavior that is worldly.
For once, I thought, perhaps they were right. No matter how bad my father treats us sometimes, he is still my father.
I imagine if I had not been holding true to my passionate self, prioritizing relationships and all things of the heart, maybe I would not see it in Dad today. Just maybe.
Say, do check out John’s post. Leave no man behind It is an elaboration of what I wrote in the previous post about military men.
Your post had really put me into deep thoughts. It is indeed true, no matter how bad your parents treats you, they are still your parents ..
Melvin foong: That is exactly the reason why I write, to inspire others even if it means admitting my flaws.
Well, at least your dad is still around for you to get to know him better. I never really knew my dad cos my parents were separated when I was a little kid. So, treasure him and get closer to him while he’s still there.
Hey Yvonne,
Your post reminded me of my late mom…Just want to share with you about my relationship with my parents. My mom did not have a good marriage with my dad but nevertheless stay married for the sake of the children. My mom developed post natal depression and later schizophrenia after i was born, .. thus my mom could not take care of me and love me like a normal mom could… The ambition to be a psychologist when i was 9 yrs old is to cure my mom . i was very close to my dad and for me, he was like 2in1… a father and mother in a person….when i grown up, i realized that he was not a good husband but still he remained as a superdad in my heart. There are time i wish i could have a relationship with my mom and try to understand or at least communicate with her … but i can’t reach her and when my father passed away, i have to deal with all the emotions alone. The experience of losing papa is too painful and when my mom was sick, i was anxious for the the experience of pain and grief, thus,i convinced myself if i love her lesser or perhaps don’t show much care for her, i would not suffered the grief and pain when papa passed away. I was just trying to supressed my love for her and i finally realized that God send her to me to become my mother with a purpose. God love us unconditionally but with my mom, i see the love from her was what she done for me. I was in pain and disappointed because i expected my mom to love me, to show me care and love. Fortunately, its not too late for me to realize it and had a special moments with her… telling her i love her for who she was and not what she had done for me… and thanked her for giving me this life although we can’t have a normal relationship like any other mother and daughter, but i know deep inside myheart, she is the greatest mom.
Having lost both of them is indeed painful but i see God’s purpose in it. Its hard when we cannot reach or connect to the person we love and even harder to understand/emphathy their world. Love them as who they are… while as you can,….. for I no longer have the chance to love my parents now but it will not stop me to love them in my heart.
God Bless,
Stephanie Fenella
Wow.
I was deeply touched by this post. Thanks for writing it. It makes me realise that my priorities have been “off”. =(