Yvonne Foong

I sometimes feel discouraged by my health condition and question my purpose of living. I thank God for granting me scholarships to pursue tertiary education in my field of interest. It was my childhood ambition to become a Psychologist. But unknown to me then, I would study Psychology in silence, without hearing.

When I was chosen as 2005’s Most Outstanding Youth of The Year, Life College awarded me a scholarship. I looked at the courses offered and chose to study Mass Communication, as it was closest to one of my interests. I loved writing. It was my first time returning to studies since becoming deaf in August 2005. Like all first times, the experience proved refreshing.

Then I took leave from college in the third semester to focus on raising funds for surgery. I went for surgery in October 2006. Around this time, the PR liaison of Segi College approached me and offered me a scholarship to study with them. I looked at their courses offered and to my delight, they had what I have always dreamed. Psychology.

Segi College is backed by a large business corporation. Their facilities are more comprehensive compared to Life College. They are also PR savvy. Students here are in-tuned with social happenings, and many know me by name before spotting me in person. But I soon learned that studying in Segi College has it’s own problems. Not so much about the college, but my own issues.

Journalists would ask me what I am up to these days. I tell them last year was a roller coaster ride through fundraising activities. But now, I am focused on nourishing the self, striving for spiritual maturity.

When we talk about spirituality, we think of temples and churches. Let us not forget the self. Believing is not enough. We need to apply spiritual lessons in our lives. And that is easier said than done. Even the act of sharing and teaching should be done with the purest intention. We must detach from the outcome. Share and teach for the joy of teaching. So that when our teachings do not bear the desired result, we are unperturbed and not discouraged. But so often we speak with an urgency to impose our opinion, hoping we would be acknowledged and accepted. This is not good.

I believe my life here on earth is to seek God and to know God. Sickness is a life condition just as richness, poverty, happiness, and grief is a condition. One may be physically healthy but ill with grief. I am determined to rise above my sickness, and not let my sickness define me. There have been many people who achieved greatness in the face of sickness. Today I watched Beautiful Life, about John Nash Jr. the American Mathematician who figured out the Nash Equilibrium and won the 1994 Noble Prize. Nash suffered from Schizophrenia but he learned to ignore the voices in his head and bury himself in research.

Another one is Steven Hawkings, the American Physicist suffering from ALS.

But I often forget. I not only get tired physically, my mind is tired of living to the fullest. Back when I could hear, I thought physical activity was tiring. Now I feel the lack of activity is tiring. Deafness is the lack of listening activity. Weak eyesight is the lack of visual activity. Energy deprivation causes the body to feel constrained and tied up. I want to flee. I want to end it all and live in a hole.

I ask why God let me pursue my dream but make my life so difficult and challenging. Like putting a hamster in a cage with a treadmill and nothing else. If mice could think, the cage would seem like a joke.

But I remember Noah in the Bible. God regretted the world He created that was filled with sin, so He decided to wipe off His mistake. But Noah was a faithful man. Because of his faith, God was merciful with him. God told Noah about the flood He will soon cause and told Noah to build a boat to save himself and his family. Noah obeyed God’s word. Even without modern technology, Noah built the boat plank by plank the size of a football field. It took him some years to complete the job. God did not speak to Noah again until the boat was completed. But Noah had faith in God and worked without a doubt, holding on to God’s promise. When the boat was completed, God instructed Noah and his family to go into the boat and bring along 2 of every living animal with him. Then the flood came and destroyed all living things in 150 days. Those onboard Noah’s boat were saved.

Noah’s story inspires me to continue my journey. I have faith that it is God’s will for me to study in Segi College. If I question my fate, then I question God. Like a faithful servant, I must treasure what the Lord has given me and use it wisely. So when the Lord returns, I may return the gift to the Lord as a trustworthy servant would.

But if I waste God’s blessings, I would have nothing to own up when the Lord returns. We do not know if the Lord would return or the purpose of our labour. But what matters most is now. Do our alloted work now so that we may be held accountable each day.

In a book called “The Hidden Wordsâ€?* Baha’u’llah tells his followers to “Bring thyself to account each day ere thou art summoned to a reckoning; for death, unheralded, shall come upon thee and thou shalt be called to give account for thy deeds.â€?

Let us serve God in sickness and in health.

Posted in Faith |