Yvonne Foong: Fighting NF

My family had dinner at the nearby Mamak shop yesterday. The waiters misunderstood my mother’s instructions and served us more than we had ordered. Mom also thought they forgot Dad’s Roti Canai. She got a little frustrated and brought this matter up with the waiters. It turned into a light argument as I started to eat my piece.

Dad became affected by the argument between Mom and one of the waiters, and he added his share of displeasure. I guess the waiter eventually threw up his hands and stepped away. Alarmed by this, my Dad raised his voice – the very voice that terrified me as a child.

Sensing his aggression, Mom and I ate and minded our own business, hoping the silence will pacify Dad.

I was tempted to tell him immediately that it wasn’t nice to yell at people especially in public.

But I knew better than to say anything when I remembered how Dad punished himself two days ago after I got upset with him for gobbling down all the chocolate cookies.

I could only hope the Mamak shop guys sensed that something wasn’t quite right with my dad so that they will not take his aggression to heart.

As you can see, the actions of my mother and I are closely related to dad’s odd behaviors.

Psychologists use a number of theories to guide their approaches to treating people with mental problems. The image of a couch facing a passive therapist have long passed. Contemporary theorists today actively approach problems and aim to solve present problems rather than looking to the past for meanings.

An example of contemporary psychology is Systems Theory. According to this theory, the state of our minds, our actions, and behaviors are interdependent within the family. When someone in the family is thought to have mental problems and maladaptive behaviors, the therapist will work with the patient, and may also have additional sessions with other family members who are thought to have strong influences on the patient’s behavior. In System Theory, the family or other members in the family system may really be the one that is problematic while the patient’s maladaptive behavior is a symptom of the larger problem.

Therefore, I need to find a therapist who not only sees my dad, but a therapist who uses systems theory as a guide to his or her therapeutic approaches.

If mom did not yell “Stupid husband!”. Dad will not yell “Idiot wife!”.