Yvonne Foong: Fighting NF

Yesterday, someone e-mailed me offering his opinion as to where Mom’s cats and dogs are concerned. He understands that it must be hard for Mom to watch me undergo so many surgeries. She probably finds comfort in keeping these animals indoors.

This led me to think along those lines. I would guess that my healthcare is not the main issue. There is an underlying one. After all, she refused to believe me when I said that I lost hearing in my right ear at 13 and then kept falling down since I was 14 through 16 years of age. She was avoiding the problem until I could not walk anymore. I literally had to kick and scream before she would bring me to the hospital in KL.

The moment we arrived back in Malaysia from my most recent brain surgery, her mood evidently changed. While we were in the airport taxi heading home, her stress and repressed bitterness surfaced. It was unmistakable. A drastic change.

Mom is happiest whenever we go to L.A. for surgery. She takes leisure whenever we go out for desserts with Audiologist Steve Otto. She can trust Dr. Lekovic, Dr. Schwartz and Dr. Friedman to do what’s best for me. The first things she would think about in the morning is what I want to eat. After my surgery, Mom needs to walk few blocks away to an outside pharmacy to buy medications and she would get me food on the way back. Whether rain or shine, she comes back brimming with excitement. Whenever I was bored and wanted to take a walk around the hospital or go to the mall, she would perk up and quickly put on her shoes ready to go. She likes to ride the bus and take the train there.

I am crying as I write this post remembering how Mom is when she takes care of me after surgery in L.A. Those are the times she can be away from Dad and not see him for weeks.

I am lucky in a way for being deaf. Dad would make unreasonable demands and yell at Mom over the slightest of things. Dad recovered very well physically after his stroke when I was 3. He could think and behave like everyone else for many years. In those times, it was possible to not guess that he had a stroke just by talking to him. But his emotional regulation was very poor. If you happen to upset or disagree in a way that’s sensitive to him, he’d burst with anger and yell at you. Many people have tried befriending him only to be disappointed eventually. How could a person appear kind and logical in thinking become so aggressive in a sudden?

In my growing up years, Dad would yell at me too. One moment, he was very loving and attentive. Next thing I knew he’d yell at me for no faults of my own. Naturally, I learned not to get too close.

Mom’s not so lucky in this sense. She has to hear everything including his crude words.

Dad’s temper became worse when Aunt Ivy’s cancer came back, needed intensive care, and then passed away after two years. Because Aunt Ivy’s care involved a lot of money, Dad’s elder sister had to take over and manage Aunt Ivy’s finances to prevent wastage. But Dad took this as a personal attack against him and became very bitter.

That’s why my own diagnosis was delayed because no one would pay me any attention when I claimed to be experiencing health deteriorations.

Recently, I asked Mom to take me to see Prof. Vickey at UMMC for a second opinion. She was reluctant to and frowned. I didn’t understand why then. But I do now.

It means a lot to Mom when I get treated by my doctors in L.A.