After completing the SPM examinations in 2003, I wanted to pursue my childhood ambition of studying Psychology. But my parents and I were living from hand to mouth at that time. My mom earned RM500.00 a month while income from renting out additional rooms in the house to nearby college students brought in another RM700.00 which was barely enough to pay off utility bills, let alone put enough food on the table. One of my mother’s sisters offered to sponsor my college tuition but she would not pay for a degree in Psychology because Psychologists need post-graduate qualifications, considering my family situation at that time, my aunt wanted me to study something that would guarantee immediate financial return upon graduation.
But I am not a person who does things only for money. If I have to do something, it must be an end in itself. So I looked at my other interests, my artistic interests and decided to study for a diploma in interior design at a nearby college. During the foundation year, I took leisure at taking classes in photography using my dad’s Nikon Single-Lens Reflect, in charcoal drawing and Watercolor painting from an established local artist, in geometric and plan drafting, and in cardboard model building. But I soon realized that my eyesight needed to be sharper because drafting in interior architecture design requires precision. This was depressing to me so I quickly accepted this fact and moved on just so I did not continue to feel miserable. Up till then, I had also been taking an additional class from the music faculty – choir – so I spoke to the choir master who was also the music department’s head and figured that I could switch my major.
And that was what I did. If my eyes were not strong enough for me to pursue my interest in visual arts, then I could further my musical talents. I had previous trainings in piano, violin and vocal music so pursuing a full cert music diploma was not a difficult decision for me to make. I decided to major in vocal music with a minor in piano music. In secondary school, I sang a lot of Broadway musicals under the tutelage of Susanna Saw San San and now, in college, I took lessons from Cecilia Yap, an MPO opera singer who previously received her training in a music conservatoir in Rome. I’d stay back in college until it closes around 10pm to practice my piano because I could never afford a piano at home. I dreamt of becoming an outstanding vocalist like my predecessors.
In September that year, I had to take leave from music lessons to remove a brain tumor in L.A. For reasons unknown to me at that time, my Soprano vocal range became limited after surgery. I could no longer sing beyond half an octave.
Upon my return from L.A., further MRI revealed another brain tumor threatening to make my other ear deaf. This means total deafness was imminent. With a heavy heart, I quit music classes and searched for something else to do. Somehow, I was led to consider teaching pre-school. Although I could not pursue my Psychology ambition, I still wanted to do something relevant and child psychology interests me. I came across an ad placed by a newly opened kindergarten in the neighborhood and went for an interview. They offered me RM600 a month to teach English. I happily accepted the offer and did not think anything further about the salary amount because the opportunity was priceless to me.
My time at the kindergarten turned out to be a challenging feat. Teaching young children was much harder than I had anticipated. But I did it as best as I could until my residual hearing reached to the point that it was no longer useful two months later. During those two short months, I had the opportunity to observe the relationship dynamic between different toddlers and their parents. I took special note of the difference between children who have one parent working outside the home and those who have both parents working outside the home. I also observed how their parents’ personalities shape the child’s social adaptability.
When my residual hearing was no longer useful two months later, I quit my position at the Kindergarten in February 2005 but continued to raise awareness about Neurofibromatosis through the internet. Less than a month later, a lady by the named of Cordelia Lee came across my blog, was touched by my zest and suggested me to write a book which I worked on in the next couple of months. I wrote the book with the intention of raising awareness about Neurofibromatosis and helping others facing different challenges in life. My author’s journey became public knowledge when I appeared in The Star newspaper for the first time in August that year. Someone nominated me for the Asian Youth Ambassadors’ Most Outstanding Youth of the Year award which I eventually won in November 2005.
Among other things, this award came with a full scholarship by a local institution named Life College. They didn’t teach Psychology, but I seized the opportunity to further my studies nevertheless and selected a course that interests me – Mass Communication, because I liked journalism. Since my first appearance in The Star newspaper in August 2005, I have been asked to write contributions for different newspapers and magazines. A new talent developed in me and I decided to make good use of it by studying mass communications until I had to go for another brain surgery yet again ten months later. In those ten months, I enjoyed studying literature in English class, public relations from Pinky Khoo, and journalism from a retired reporter of the Star Newspaper. I also enjoyed picking up feature writing and proper composition skills. This was my first time being a student in total deafness.
By October 2006, I managed to raise enough funds to remove the other brain tumor that had taken my residual hearing.Before I left Malaysia for surgery in L.A. I was contacted by the public relation liaison of SEGi College offering me to study with them under scholarship. I was already pursuing a Diploma in Mass Communications at Life College at that time, but I decided to have a look at what they had to offer anyway.
To my delight, they taught Psychology! Needless to say, I accepted the offer and was finally pursuing my childhood ambition at the age of 21, three years after SPM. Although I allowed my dream of studying Psychology to take a back seat and did what was practical in the past three years, but I never abandoned my childhood dream. When the opportunity presented itself, I recognized it and seized it immediately.
It did not occur to me that I will one day be able to study Psychology. In those days after my SPM, I either get myself a place in a public university and hope that they will let me study my degree choice, or pay RM300,000.00 to study abroad. Psychology was beyond everybody’s reach back then.
Having little choice, I was willing to pursue my other interests for a career. But while most would go into business school, medicine, engineering or some other high paying professions, I stood my ground and refused to study with money as an end. Instead, I studied what I enjoyed. Never mind if my Psychology dream never came to be. I was prepared to do interior design, music or journalism till the end if nothing else intervenes.
On hindsight, I think God unwittingly taught me to live in the present, not the future. We may live FOR the future, but we must live in the present. Living in the present involves being practical and choose to do what is within our means. It involves focusing on what is in front of us rather than a distant, non-existent dream. If we focus on an un-materialized dream, it will always seem unattainable and so far away. We will constantly feel discouraged. But if we focus on living in the present, make practical decisions and small achievements day by day, we will soon find our destiny at our doorstep.
Sometimes, we may not know what is our destiny. In my case, I was not even sure if studying Psychology was mine to partake. So I just focused on doing whatever was in front of me, enjoy my studies and learn to be content with doing what I set my hands on. By having this focus of our mind and heart in the present, only can we be guided by God to follow our intuition and be able to recognize when the opportunity to attain our dream appears. Otherwise, we would be so absorbed in dreaming about a non-existent future, that we neglect to develop ourselves as individuals and will fail to recognize opportunities.
I had becoma a much more suitable candidate to study Psychology with the life experience I gained by the age of 21 than I was as an 18-year-old secondary school graduate.
P/S: I am 25 and in my third year of a BSc in Psychologym studying directly with Upper Iowa University through it’s extended university programs at the time of writing this.
