I have to go for another surgery in May 2018, this time it is to remove a tumor from my cervical spinal cord. It is compressing the cord so much so that the left side of my body from shoulder to toes is numb with tingling sensations. It is also tight so my arm and leg movements have become rigid and quite limited.
They are also weaker than before so I can do the less physical task now or make me also slower. Body coordination is also harder. I can not do much now to raise funds for surgery, luckily I have a new book released recently so I can depend on the sale of my books to generate funds required to pay for the surgery. I am also blessed with volunteers and personal assistant to assist me in achieving my goal.
Yet, the symptoms of my cervical spinal cord tumor affecting my daily life so much. It’s testing my faith every day. So I recite the Lord’s prayer and Psalm 23 to renew my faith and hope in the Lord.I realized when I can do little to help myself is when my faith in God can grow the most because when I can still help myself I would focus on doing things myself. The need to rely on is lesser so maybe this trial is not entirely a bad thing.
I can not deny that I am worried and scared of what if I don’t raise enough funds for surgery. So every day I pray withmy rosary to renew my faith in the Lord. In my 31 years of life so far, I have never experienced this much need to rely on the Lord before because of all those times, I did not want to just depend on Him wholely without doing anything myself.
I was being reminded a short story I once read not too long ago. Let me summarize, a grown man and a little girl were onboard a plane. The little girl feared to be traveling alone. Midway through the flight, the plane experience air turbulence. The grown man freaked out and prayed very hard, fearing for his life. The little girl on the other hand calmly fastened the seat belt and claps both her hands on her lap before leaning back and closing her eyes to rest. When the air turbulence stopped, the man had a big sigh of relieved and asked the little girl “wow you were so calm and not scared at all. What is your religion?”
The little girl replied, “My father is the pilot, he is taking us home.”
I often remind myself of this story when I feel nervous for fundraising to stay calm and trust in the Lord.
It has been slowly leading good people to me to assist in my fundraising but it seems more difficult during this period of time. Probably because people have more worries themselves too. This teaches me to appreciate those who came forward in spite of their own life uncertainty. My friends and I made a video to spread the words about my current surgical needs.
You may share this video with people you know so that more people would consider coming to my aid. I still have almost 3000 copies of both my books in total. If I can sell all of them, I would have enough money to pay for this surgery already. So do buy some and encourage people you know to do the same.
Honestly, I don’t want to become para-pelagic