Yvonne Foong

Sigmund Freud called it the death instinct, which refers to detrimental and destructive behavior. But sometimes, bad things happen beyond our control. Pastors say it’s the devil working to destroy God’s people, some say it’s ancestral sin! I subscribe to a belief, that bad things happen to build our character and teach us important lessons.

But two natural disasters in a month overwhelms, not only for victims whose homes were wrecked, but the heart of bystanders like me. Already, prices are skyrocketing. Political injustice bites, war and famine crying for relief. Now we have earthquakes and Cyclones too. Global Warming.

God must be reminding us, His self-absorbed children, consumed with pleasures of the flesh, with pop culture, and worldly pleasures. Look, He said, My people are in pain. Can you still chew a hamburger, remain sitting by and watch?

I am overwhelmed with grief, and desire to call for change.

Hey there..

I do not know the bible well. But one thing I do know. The stories in the bible took place a long time ago. Back in the days when men had limited knowledge in maths and science, when laws were passed down from one generation to another, kings ruled by divine right. people then were barbaric. They committed incense, adultery, cannibalism, mutilation, et cetera. The bible is rich as a historical gem. Through it we get a glimpse of what society was like during the times of the Christian orthodox church.

We must also understand the God who spoke at the time of Adam and Eve, is the same God we speak of today. Why then did He teach men different laws? My opinion is this: because men need different laws at different times.

For example, when Moses led the Israelites out and away from the Eygptians, God was angry and cursed the Egyptians. But as soon as that was over, God sent Jesus to us, and taught us to love thy neighbor as thyself. Because during Jesus’ time, the time was right to teach men about love and tolerance. Today, we no longer commit the kind of sins that the Egyptians then did. Even though there are still differences among us today, these are cultural differences. All religion are inherently good. But during the time of the old testament, other religions referred to idolatry, the worshiping of the sun, the moon, animals, and what not, that involved barbaric acts.

Therefore, it is crucial to study the bible objectively, have a broad world-view and try to understand why things are as they are.

People today often talk about Satan. Satan lead us to sin, Satan causes us trouble. But people don’t see what Satan in the bible means.

Remember Lucifer was banished because he wanted to be God. He was jealous of God and tried to influence others to worship him instead. And that angered God. Remember, our God is a loving and forgiving God. If Lucifer had sin in other ways, perhaps God could have forgiven him. But Lucifer wanted to be God. He was egoistic.

I believe the story of Satan is to teach us and remind us not to be egoistic. The ego is a constant struggle for many people, myself included. Because an overactive ego leads to all kinds of sins - jealousy, dishonesty, selfishness, et cetera.

But these are only my opinion. Hope you’ll know God personally. Investigate, investigate, investigate!

What am I talking about?

Someone forwarded me this letter that made her unsure about the Bible.

These are just my opinion. Feel free to speak otherwise. But don’t call names..

I chanced upon World Publisher’s Visual Reference Bible at Borders Bookstore last week. It comes with a pink soft-touch cover. Besides the standard order of pages, it has an alphabetical index and a list of references by topic. So you can read up “The Story of Christmas” by turning immediately to the Book of Luke and “The Story of Easter” to The Book of Matthews 28. The added calendar of scriptures allows for bible study planning. The original price is USD14.99 but I got it for USD3.99 at Santa Anita Mall. It also comes in light blue.

Having more than enough bibles myself, I did not plan on getting another that faithful day. But when I saw this, I knew I had to get it for a friend even before checking the price.

During worship session this morning, I imagined what I would write next for The YellowPost. The songs of praise reminded me of John Newton, the former slavemaster who wrote Amazing Grace. Thinking how some churches preach about submitting to authority and turn to prayer for social change, I wonder if John Newton and Wilberforce had done accordingly, would we still get to enjoy as much freedom today?

So in my mind, I began composing the article one paragraph after another. But I soon got stuck when Wilberforce escaped me. I remembered everythingl except his name, the simplest detail. I tried and tried to recall. Finally I gave up and turn my attention back to the worship session.

Tonight while searching for The Book of Luke, I ended up at 1 Conrinthians 1 without knowing. And I read this:-

[17] For Christ sent me not to baptize, but to preach the gospel: not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of none effect.
[18] For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.
[19] For it is written, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and will bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.
[20] Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?
[21] For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe.
[22] For the Jews require a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom:
[23] But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness;
[24] But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God.
[25] Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
[26] For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:
[27] But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;
[28] And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are:
[29] That no flesh should glory in his presence.
[30] But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:
[31] That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

I’m beginning to like the King James Version that leaves much room for interpretation. I read this passage as a call to renounce the ego. In my own life, the people who could not wait to show how smart they are have all proven themselves foolish, whereas those who shared knowledge with pure intentions were blessed with loving words, they humbled me.

I ended up not writing what I had intended to. Instead, my next topic became, “Stay strong despite social change.”

When I planned to write about Newton, I guiltily harbored an egoistic desire to prove others wrong. The story of social change was later inspired by a friend whom I have to care about.

The latter is also based on my opinion, but with purer intentions.

Do pick up a copy of The YellowPost this Friday.

Saturday morning. Woke up to find Steven watching television. After breakfast, we went to San Gabriel Mission District, just 5 minutes drive from where Steven lives.

SAN GABRIEL HISTORICAL WALK - TILE NO. 1

Steven had to help me get up there. My balance has not been good lately. So remember you’ve seen this picture of me standing tall.

Read the rest of this entry »

While feasting and partying, let us not forget the meaning of Christmas. Remember how and why Jesus died for us, and consider how we may each grow to be more Christ-like everyday.

To check whether our actions are selfish or holy, consider this:- What would Jesus do in this situation? How would He respond?

To me, being Christian is never a direct ticket to Heaven. It is our dedication towards understanding the life of Jesus Christ, to better our minds and hearts, to reflect the image of God.

To me, a Christian should lead a holy, righteous life that encourage others to do the same.

Christianity should not have been the cause for segregation among people of different religions. It should be promoting harmony above all else, unity and diversity above all else.

Unfortunately, so much segregation among men had taken place since the resurrection of Christ, all in the name of Christianity.

And that grieves me.

I sometimes feel discouraged by my health condition and question my purpose of living. I thank God for granting me scholarships to pursue tertiary education in my field of interest. It was my childhood ambition to become a Psychologist. But unknown to me then, I would study Psychology in silence, without hearing.

When I was chosen as 2005’s Most Outstanding Youth of The Year, Life College awarded me a scholarship. I looked at the courses offered and chose to study Mass Communication, as it was closest to one of my interests. I loved writing. It was my first time returning to studies since becoming deaf in August 2005. Like all first times, the experience proved refreshing.

Then I took leave from college in the third semester to focus on raising funds for surgery. I went for surgery in October 2006. Around this time, the PR liaison of Segi College approached me and offered me a scholarship to study with them. I looked at their courses offered and to my delight, they had what I have always dreamed. Psychology.

Segi College is backed by a large business corporation. Their facilities are more comprehensive compared to Life College. They are also PR savvy. Students here are in-tuned with social happenings, and many know me by name before spotting me in person. But I soon learned that studying in Segi College has it’s own problems. Not so much about the college, but my own issues.

Journalists would ask me what I am up to these days. I tell them last year was a roller coaster ride through fundraising activities. But now, I am focused on nourishing the self, striving for spiritual maturity.

When we talk about spirituality, we think of temples and churches. Let us not forget the self. Believing is not enough. We need to apply spiritual lessons in our lives. And that is easier said than done. Even the act of sharing and teaching should be done with the purest intention. We must detach from the outcome. Share and teach for the joy of teaching. So that when our teachings do not bear the desired result, we are unperturbed and not discouraged. But so often we speak with an urgency to impose our opinion, hoping we would be acknowledged and accepted. This is not good.

I believe my life here on earth is to seek God and to know God. Sickness is a life condition just as richness, poverty, happiness, and grief is a condition. One may be physically healthy but ill with grief. I am determined to rise above my sickness, and not let my sickness define me. There have been many people who achieved greatness in the face of sickness. Today I watched Beautiful Life, about John Nash Jr. the American Mathematician who figured out the Nash Equilibrium and won the 1994 Noble Prize. Nash suffered from Schizophrenia but he learned to ignore the voices in his head and bury himself in research.

Another one is Steven Hawkings, the American Physicist suffering from ALS.

But I often forget. I not only get tired physically, my mind is tired of living to the fullest. Back when I could hear, I thought physical activity was tiring. Now I feel the lack of activity is tiring. Deafness is the lack of listening activity. Weak eyesight is the lack of visual activity. Energy deprivation causes the body to feel constrained and tied up. I want to flee. I want to end it all and live in a hole.

I ask why God let me pursue my dream but make my life so difficult and challenging. Like putting a hamster in a cage with a treadmill and nothing else. If mice could think, the cage would seem like a joke.

But I remember Noah in the Bible. God regretted the world He created that was filled with sin, so He decided to wipe off His mistake. But Noah was a faithful man. Because of his faith, God was merciful with him. God told Noah about the flood He will soon cause and told Noah to build a boat to save himself and his family. Noah obeyed God’s word. Even without modern technology, Noah built the boat plank by plank the size of a football field. It took him some years to complete the job. God did not speak to Noah again until the boat was completed. But Noah had faith in God and worked without a doubt, holding on to God’s promise. When the boat was completed, God instructed Noah and his family to go into the boat and bring along 2 of every living animal with him. Then the flood came and destroyed all living things in 150 days. Those onboard Noah’s boat were saved.

Noah’s story inspires me to continue my journey. I have faith that it is God’s will for me to study in Segi College. If I question my fate, then I question God. Like a faithful servant, I must treasure what the Lord has given me and use it wisely. So when the Lord returns, I may return the gift to the Lord as a trustworthy servant would.

But if I waste God’s blessings, I would have nothing to own up when the Lord returns. We do not know if the Lord would return or the purpose of our labour. But what matters most is now. Do our alloted work now so that we may be held accountable each day.

In a book called “The Hidden Wordsâ€?* Baha’u’llah tells his followers to “Bring thyself to account each day ere thou art summoned to a reckoning; for death, unheralded, shall come upon thee and thou shalt be called to give account for thy deeds.â€?

Let us serve God in sickness and in health.

On our way back from college today, I prayed in the car, asking God to bless my friends, guide and help them by God’s will. I remembered something Dad did this morning, so I asked God to touch Dad too.

But Dad is a staunch Taoist with poor cognitive ability. Even if God presents Himself before Dad, Dad as stubborn as he is, might not see or acknowledge God. Thinking about the irresponsible and unreasonable things Dad did in the past, I doubted his ability to change.

Right then, we were approaching home. Dad slowed down as he looked hard for the turning to our housing area. He drove very slowly and I was reminded about his failing eyesight. I thought Dad’s behavior and obesity are bad enough and hard enough to manage, how can he take blindness too?

Just then, I see the relationship.

“Unless the spirit be healed, the cure of the body is worth nothing. All is in the hands of God, and without Him there can be no health in us.” - Abdu’l-Baha

“Busy not thyself with this world, for with fire we test the gold. And with gold, we test our servants.” Baha’u'llah.

“Do not grieve the afflictions and calamities that have befallen thee. All calamities and afflictions have been created so he may spurn this mortal world - a world to which he is much attached. When he experience severe trials and hardships, then his nature will recoil and he will desire the eternal realm - a realm that is sanctified from all afflictions and calamities.”

“Those who suffer most, attain the greatest perfection.” Abdu’l- Baha.

And like Reuben says, everyone has the capacity to know God regardless of their physical ability. Dad may be senile, but he is in no way ex-communicated from God. Therefore, I trust that everything happens to Dad is for the better, so I shall not be grieved.

“Sickness helps to soften men’s hearts and teach them wisdom. Sickness helps to level and humble us. Sickness helps to remind men of death. I believe in many minds, “sickness is God’s visitation” the day he visits us, and that feelings are roused on the sick bed which might, by God’s grace result in salvation. Sadly, I say nothing of the kind! Every year, an innumerable people are overcome with illness, and restored to health, who evidently learn nothing on their sick beds, and return again to the world.” - Bishop J. C. Ryle.

“O MAN OF TWO VISIONS!

Close one eye and open the other. Close one to the world and all that is therein,and open the other to the hallowed beauty of the Beloved.” - Baha’u'llah.

Bear in mind that sickness is just one of the many trails in life used to test our faith in God. Hence, people who are sick is not any lesser than people who are healthy, because each trial is incomparable to another.

Read here, a presentation took place at the Cosmopolitan Church of Lord Jesus’ pastor conference. The author discussed suffering from the theological point-of-view, citing other world religions as example. A non-condemning, pragmatic view.

And one from the Trinity Journal. This is a must read..

Veronica Kiew stumbled upon my blog today and commented on my thoughts and feelings. She said they touched her in a profound way, bringing back memories. She told me to keep writing, keep questioning.

I met up with some people to discuss a co-operation plan for YvonneFoong.com. While waiting for someone to show up, I had a chat with the staff my age. Though her academic qualification lies in the field of advertising and graphics design, the fashion industry interests her.

I encouraged her to pursue the dream when the chance comes. This world is full of possibilities, so don’t limit yourself. Like the Bhagavad Gita says, do your allotted work and renounce the fruit. If fashion design interests her, then pursue it passionately, enjoy the moment. Do not be too calculative, or nothing gets done and one might go no where doubting.

I also believe everything is a learning process. The time would come for us to look back and go, “hey, I did that. Isn’t it amazing?” Live with no regrets.

This opinion I try to mediate with Buddhist, Baha’i and Christian teachings too. One must strive to attain detachment from the world, but detachment is in no way indifferent or stagnant. Because with indifference, this world will not progress. Instead, we must keep in mind God is most important and strive not to serve the self. If we do something, let our intentions be pure, geared at common good and not for selfish gain.

Detachment to me is giving priority to others before self. When we keep thinking about others, we eventually let go of ourselves.

When discussing this co-operation deal for YvonneFoong.com, I often check myself whether I am self-serving. But it has been my desire to pick up PR work and here is a chance. I’m also involving my friend whose skills I need in this co-operation. The friend needs this experience more than I do, so there presents a common good for my friend and I, and the other party.

Next thing to do is to meditate. Constantly remind myself the words of God, to keep me on track and not be swayed by the “contrary winds of self and passion.”

Let me place the client’s interest above my own.

Someone sent me a cheque and a letter containing Psalm 46.

1 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.

2 Therefore will not we fear,
though the earth be removed,
and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

3 though the waters thereof roar and be troubled,
though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.
Selah.

4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God,
the holy place of the tabernacles of the Most High.

5 God is in the midst of her;
she shall not be moved:
God shall help her, and that right early.

6 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved:
he uttered his voice, the earth melted.

7 The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our refuge.
Selah.

8 Come, behold the works of the LORD,
what desolations he hath made in the earth.

9 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth;
he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder;
he burneth the chariot in the fire.

10 Be still, and know that I am God:
I will be exalted among the heathen,
I will be exalted in the earth.

11. The LORD of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our refuge.

These days I am feeling so left out in church. Hardly anyone talks to me. Whenever I initiate a conversation, it feels as if I am unwanted, for they barely keep up the conversation. It would end as though there was never a beginning.

“How is it going?,” John would ask.

Just got back from church. Don’t know why do I go at all.”

But I go, telling myself that I do it for God. I once read this book where the author said people in church busy themselves with each other, God feels left out. He would like to be in communion with our hearts when we come into his House. But when we talk incessantly, we leave no room for God. That book was “Heaven is so real,” by Thomas Choo. For all the controversies, that book holds some truth.

Every Sunday, I feel God’s pain. Every Sunday, I tell myself to forgive and compartmentalize. “I am different.” I comfort myself. “Good writers should spend time contemplating. If I talk like that, I would have no time to think.”

In my isolated self, I observed something pecuilar in a special child who suffers from Prader Willi Syndrome. This rare genetic disorder in Chromosome 15 is chatacterized by Hypothalamic hypogonadism with Hypotonia. The boy has poor cognitive ability leading to frustration and temper tantrum whenever routine is interrupted or when the environment becomes ill-perceived.

He would walk into the congregation, study the faces of people as he search for a resting place, extending a hand to whoever he felt familiar with. I sometimes chance upon the awkward moment where he reaches to shake someone’s hand. “I’m sorry,” I would whisper in my heart as I watch the smile of that person whose hands he shook, curve downwards discreetly, eyes lowered for only a moment, before they quickly part.

Sometimes he shakes their hand during worship. The person would pay little attention in shaking his hand, not diverting their attention from the LCD projector to him. But when the next person comes, they warmly embrace each other and forget the screen.

I have always felt his pain. I did not understand why his environment is as such.

His intense gaze is at times thought-provoking, but perhaps, it was the only window to his soul, the soul of a confused Prader-Willi Syndrome child with poor cognitive ability.

I still do not know why I go to church, feeling hurt and isolated every week. So I tell myself that God is training me as a Psychologist in silence.

Every so often, Brother pokes fun at the boy, at his peculiar antics that appear rather comical. I thought Brother was harsh. Now come to think about it, at least Brother remembers him. Just as I always feel in that sea of people, Brother never forgets me. I know it through aura.