In the elevator this afternoon, I saw someone carrying this catchy book on Child Psychology. It came in hardcover, store-bought in Malaysia. The receipt was still tucked in between pages!

Curiosity got the better of me. I grinned and asked to have a look. It’s a Wiley title.

Check out what they have in store. CLICK

Oh my God! I want everything! Maybe I should do my internship at Wileys and get to steal a read of all those books. Heh!

So now I know. If I need to get something, browse Wiley Publishers

As for the girl, she probably got it from some indie book seller. The receipt was telling. But I did not see well enough to know where that was.

Education Minister of Japan wonders if faults in the education system had caused Tomohiro Kato’s mass stabbing.

Education Minister Kisaburo Tokai said on Tuesday that he planned to consult with experts about the state of children in Japan, which has long enjoyed a reputation for its low crime.

“It made me think about whether the background of this incident may have been linked to education,” Mr Tokai said. source

And here was what happened.

Last year, I asked Dr. Chin who was our Head of ADP Department then, if I could major in Criminology. UIU has a 3-credit Criminology subject and he thought of introducing it in Segi College. Don’t know where this tendency came from, but I like considering the motivation behind our actions. I think too much sometimes, but better too much, than to regret not thinking enough when the chance is over.

Criminals are humans. Crime is a deviation from the norm. It means they are different, but still one of us. There has been a lot of study on violent crimes that support the theory of stress and maladaptive behavior. Studies on criminal minds increased since U.S. waged it’s War on Terror. Returning soldiers found themselves unable to adjust back to civilian life. There have been cases of ex-soldiers committing crimes of assault and murder before killing themselves. I received psychology news related to the study of U.S. ex-soldiers almost daily through RSS.

Now Japan is doing the same. When will Malaysia follow?

Do you remember this boy who stabbed his ex-tuition teacher’s daughter to death at 12-years-old? His adolescence was spent serving time in jail. When the boy reached 18 years of age last year, the court heard his case again, but decided to detain him indefinitely. Well, I don’t have to bring in the science. Let’s just look at Japan, how their minister is handling children and youth matters. This country raped Asia in World War 2. Our textbooks painted them as barbaric and torturous. Yet how far they have gone since.

Picture from Times Online

My father took this picture of me not long before he suffered a stroke. Although the stroke rendered him mentality incapable of caring for people, my father never hit me all these years. The closest he came to hurting me were through his emotional outbreaks, his thundering voice, whenever he is stressed and confused. It happens when the brain is unable to manage emotions before it overwhelms.

My parents were not happy during the first few years of wedded life. They could have been mad with each other’s attitudes. Or it could have been dad’s after-stroke personality that never failed to wreck a nerve or two in those who lived with him. My early childhood was frightening. I awoke one afternoon seeing no one around. Wanting some company, I got out of bed and then out of the bedroom. I crouched and gazed down at the living room. Just then, someone grabbed my arms and dragged me back inside. It was my mom. She forced me into bed and grabbed the cane, with which she repeatedly lashed at me all over. I still remember the rage in her eyes whenever she did so. One time, it became so bad, my dad forcibly stopped her and reminded her who I was-her daughter. I was always guarded and fearful, knowing I could be lashed at anytime. In my teens, others thought maturing beyond my years caused my quiet and reserved demeanour. Some in my primary school days praised me for sitting still until I was attended to. But they had mistaken. It wasn’t because of obedience.

My mother‘s rage and my dad‘s seemingly uncaring personality estrange our relationship, so that I was never close to either of them but Aunt Ivy. .I was excited when she came through the door every evening. I used to hang around her room while she made cross-stitches or read the Reader’s Digest.

In Primary School, I toyed with the idea that perhaps my mother was mentally disturbed. I considered many a times to run away with the dog, Snoopy. We would make the streets our home. Or that I should report my mother to the authorities for child abuse. But did she really? My perception of abuse at that time involved extremely torturous and bloody scenes. 20 years later, now, I finally understand. Emotional abuse and neglect is just as bad as physical torture. In fact, they are interlinked. One always precedes the other.

My mother gradually became less aggressive as I aged. One day, in my teens, perhaps, I asked mom why did she get into a rage suddenly like that? My mother said being ‘cooked up’ in her growing up years hampered her mental processes. After all, granddad passed away when she was seven, leaving his wife to sell vegetables at the market and raise seven children alone. The youngest was an infant when he died. Imagine the stress and difficulties they faced. So I believed my mom. Sometimes, I caught her attention wandering in the midst of carrying out tasks, as if she forgot what she was doing or talking about. She also said it was the reason why she could not study much.

The family has been pre-occupied with my dad’s reduced mental capabilities and the problems it caused, so that I have conveniently ignored or rather, forgotten, that my mother hurt me more than my father did. Or maybe everyone contributed a share to my traumas. I couldn’t wait growing up and wished one day I would either get saved or wake up to my real life–to find that all was just a dream.

This had caused emotional instability during my teenage years. I was easily frustrated by my parents and would scream in order to have my way. I did not like screaming, but I wanted to scream louder than them, as if to drown them out of awareness. I could not wait to have my needs met–something I understand now as the result of weak attachments at infancy and early childhood, as well as poor attention from carers that lead to feelings of insecurity. Like a child who never grew up.

The relationship between my mother and I improved after I was diagnosed. Although she initially refused bringing me to medical attention when I complained of health deteriorations, my mother took care of me in the hospital after each surgery. The first that involved my spine was most painful but also most meaningful. For it was then, we were tested the most since I could do nothing or help myself but to lay like a fallen tree all day.

My emotional scars still feel fresh and real, but they were never addressed. I would switch to a state of melancholy, even in the presence of other people. But I have yet to identify the triggering events that caused this emotional shift. When it happens, it feels as if picking up myself from a tearful episode. My emotional self, this very specific part of me, is still stuck in the past, It could be why I enjoy being alone. The achievements I made in recent years have not override my traumas.

This is perhaps why I feel strongly about studying Developmental Psychology. When reading ’Why Love Matters’ and studying pathologies, I want so much to share my discoveries. A friend from church recently announced her pregnancy. Both husband and wife are lawyers, and knowing lawyers, work life often leaves the person stressed and with little time for rest. This is found to cause the mother’s increase level of cortisol to affect the brain development of her unborn baby.

But who am I to suggest? I am only 22, just about grown up but still pretty much cared for. What do I know about having a baby? So I kept this all to myself.

Until I made the new blog banner with photos of me as a child. Seeing myself reminds me. I may not know about being pregnant, but I was a child before. The younger you are, the closer one is to recalling childhood events. So much of us today is linked to childhood experiences, that it’s significance is hard to reduce. The older one gets, the wiser one perceives himself to be. But he is also further from childhood. Isn’t it strange?

Every generation rediscovers and re-evaluates the meaning of infancy and childhood. (Arnold Gesell (20th century), U.S. child development specialist)

It was my first time camping out at MPH. I did not leave yesterday until they switched off the lights. This book, “Techniques of Child Therapy” by Morton Chethik, got me all excited. Truly, if you want to learn anything in the world, learn it from practitioners. Two semesters ago, I took a class in Counseling Techniques. We studied using two books, one of which was written by Gerald Corey, which was an overview of the various therapies like Gestalt, RBT, and Existential. While it is good to have at least a basic understanding of everything, that book did not provide the satisfaction I seek.

This one I read yesterday did. Just a couple of pages and I had to pick up my jaw. The author wrote from his perspective as the therapist in every case, allowing readers to see what he saw, and feel what he felt. He wrote on some of his past cases, providing us a vivid picture of every child and what was going on in their minds. He explained the ways with which he helped those children, and why he chose to do what he did, as well as the healing process illustrated with vivid details. This book offers more than what its title promises.

There was this boy, a Borderline. When they brought him to the therapist, the boy kept to a corner, playing out whole episodes of cartoons with wooden action figures. The boy, terrified knowing the therapist was watching him, ignored his companion altogether. The therapist took down notes of the boy’s play and figured out what each characters were from watching TV. Seeing that he was keen, the boy eventually considered the therapist harmless and little by little, allowed the therapist to join in his cartooning.

That was the start of the healing process. As the boy began to let down his guards and his relationships improved, his repressed emotions, his aggressive drive surfaced. He destroyed toys and imagined killing his sister. But right after, he rushed to call home just to see if she was indeed alright. He was afraid she might have been hurt because his imaginations were too real. He could not distinguish between what was inside (imaginations) and outside (real world). Next, the boy must learn to stay calm when he was alone. Because, as therapy progressed, he developed an attachment with the therapist. So when he felt overwhelmed, he would run to the waiting area outside the office, where it was near the therapist. This boy indulged in cartoons because of his inability to deal with his surroundings. His ego went into defense, blocking them out of awareness with elaborate imaginations. During the separation-individuation process, the boy did not develop a whole sense of self, so that relating with other things outside the self overwhelmed him. But he needed them nevertheless, for when they were out of sight, he panicked and quickly searched for a replacement or representation of whatever he thought was lost (hence, running to the therapist;s office). When they were studying about Paris in class, he panicked because Paris was so far away. But the therapist had taught him a strategy. Since the shape of the Eiffel Tower looked like the electricity tower near home, he used that as a mental representation in order to feel rooted in the present, in this country, even though he was studying about some place faraway. If not, he would feel as if he was disappearing at the thought of Paris.

And so on… and so forth….. Hey, I’m blogging from college, a day after reading that couple of pages. its a good thing Malaysia is dependent on foreign import because, look, even though Malaysia is way backwards in research, we still have (I hope) the luxury of importing knowledge by the books! I wish, someday, we can start relying on local intelligence. But that will take two to three generations at least.

I was fated to endure a debilitating illness and overcome it. Now I’ve chosen to get tangled with the illness of others. The harshest part being in my shoes, is having seen the original self of a person, then a far leap, almost un-human now. And knowing that person in the past might never come back. Schizophrenia is still mystery to mankind.

I retrieved some photos we snapped together in 2005. The first picture of a Killer Whale returned no emotions. But the second one, a group photo, moved her somehow, for she abruptly gripped the pile with both hands and looked closer.

I know. I want to bring you back too.

You either become a Psychiatrist and view Psychological conditions like the plague that needs to be gotten rid of, by prescribing medicine and letting the patient to his or her own device thereafter.

This seems to be case in Malaysia, as far as I know.

Or you become a Psychologist, and think like me. View abnormal psychology as a temporary impediment, a developmental delay or stagnation. Regard human with the potential to grow in spite for present circumstances.

I saw my college’s summer timetable this afternoon. There will be Developmental Psychology: Early to Late Adulthood, and Cognition. YAY!

Who’s taking with me? Yvonne needs helpers and typists.

Time to dig out those half-read books on animal cognition, memory and developmental psychology tucked away in my precious Billy bookshelf.

That said, I am figuring out how to support this person newly diagnosed with Schizophrenia.

1. Seroquel. 1 1/2 tablets. Morning and Night.
2. Diagnosis based on interview with Psychiatrist. at HUKM
3. No fMRI.
4. No Psychotherapy planned.

As you can see, this kind of treatment plan is bleak. But it’s the common form of treatment here in Malaysia.

Being just a student lacking in qualification, I cannot dispense advice or help with medical/biological application. Social and Developmental Psychology strategies seem do-able. However, this case of Schizophrenia has advanced to a stage, where the person’s attention is lost most of the time. Cognition is also in question, as the patient does not seem to really ‘know’ if she feels hungry, or what she wants to do.

Are there certified Play Therapists in Malaysia?

Come the next holiday, Yvonne needs to start on a book about Schizophrenia she got at Barnes and Nobles, Long Beach, last August. What was the mall’s name, Eddie? Some giant shopping mall. Biggest in where, SoCAL?

The average reading skill in Malaysia bothers me. We have been told about critical thinking skills, managerial skills, public speaking skills, but hardly do we consider reading skills.

I’ve got to repeat myself when writing to locals, each repetition simpler than before, until it becomes a one-sentence summary devoid of any in-depth explanations. This occurs to me now that I rely heavily on written communication.

My writing takes shape according to books I read, that range from science and psychology texts, political news and texts, and the writings of legal professionals. I tend to speak when I read, my lips, tongue, and vocal chords move silently. It would be interesting to conduct an fMRI of my brain when I read, to find both my Broca’s and Wernicke’s areas activated simultaneously.

This is one of the blessings being deaf or hard-of-hearing. The way others talk would not be much influence when you are determined to improve your language skills.

When I first read Poh Si’s writings three years ago, I could not piece those information spread out in each article to form a whole mental representation. John had to spell out everything from A/z to get me understand things. Now I’m more critical. I saw Poh Si’s blog again today, and reading was easier than before. Now when I write to any Malaysian community, I must be sure the idea can be easily understood, and be careful not to cloud or dilute it with too much words. There has to be a hierarchical sequence, as if I am telling a story instead of arguing a point outright. One to two points are often hard for others to understand, any more is confusing.

Maybe it’s my lack of writing mastery. Maybe it’s the reading skills of people. But one thing for sure. I once could not read between the lines or see the whole picture of an exhaustive article as well. Foreign news articles with their structural styles of professional journalism did not make sense to me. I had to be told from A to Z.

Someone read my frustrated ramblings about my parents– particularly mom’s obsession with the dogs and stray cats, and dad’s dependent role in the family–concluded that I hate my parents.

I DO NOT HATE MY PARENTS!!

You see, I believe we should all address our frustrations and compulsiveness because undue suppression can lead to malignancy and mental disorders. You know what, I am feeling much better about my parents these days. I shifted back to a room upstairs so I don’t have to deal with the animal’s excretions before mom wakes every morning, and I am better able to accept my father the way he is.

There will always be things I do not agree with them. But that will never mean I HATE my parents!

Here’s something by Carl Jung.

“Anyone who wants to know the human psyche will learn next to nothing from experimental psychology. He would be better advised to abandon exact science, put away his scholar’s gown, bid farewell to his study, and wander with human heart through the world. There in the horrors of prisons, lunatic asylums and hospitals, in drab suburban pubs, in brothels and gambling-hells, in the salons of the elegant, the Stock Exchanges, socialist meetings, churches, revivalist gatherings and ecstatic sects, through love and hate, through the experience of passion in every form in his own body, he would reap richer stores of knowledge than text-books a foot thick could give him, and he will know how to doctor the sick with a real knowledge of the human soul/” — Carl Jung.

I won’t walk back and erase those posts I made. Things happen for a reason.

Someone got the book for me. Thanks a lot!

I found a book! Yeeee… so awesome. Unfortunately, not on sale in Kinokuniya Malaysia. The author’s website is here

Ebay has some too. Unfortunately, I don’t have a credit card and the shipping fee will be exorbitant. Anyone traveling from UK or US to Malaysia soon?

P/S: You probably figured I’m interested in behavioral neuroscience, and lately in developmental psychology also.

I stayed up pass 12am last night, long enough to know the Oppositions successfully denied BN it’s historical majority in parliament, Hannah Yeoh won the Subang Jaya state seat, we should now address Jeff Ooi as Yang Berhormat, and (tears flow) Karpal Singh finally bear the fruits of his lifelong battle. BN won an unconfirmed 153 seats. In theory, they can no longer make laws as they wish without consulting the Oppositions.

That’s in theory.

With the new government (BN and all), the Oppositions must remain consistent and united to avoid a landslide. Ideologies aside, focus on rebuilding Malaysia. Without the people’s informed support, the present government will be good for nothing. That means, people must be educated. Teach us politics, teach us economics, let us speak up.

I asked John why Malaysian opposition campaigns were lacking in substance? They had nothing much to campaign for. John said to look abroad. President Bush recently sent more troops to Iraq. It wasn’t his idea or Congress’. It was a newspaper columnist’s proposal who laid out his opinion in the news. So even with government in place, it is the people who set the agenda. Government may want to rebuild Malaysia. But how? That is open for Malaysians to decide.

But to do that, Malaysians need to be better equipped. Toddlers and children must be properly educated. They must be able to explore and cope in school. Do not force them to learn beyond their years or punish them for creativity.

Last week, i saw a mother who introduced a book suitable for 3 year olds to her 1 year old toddler yet to master tactile coordination.The kid did not even try to hold the book or respond adequately to motion.

Today, I saw a mother who held her four-year-old son, pointed his index finger as she read a book to him. The poor boy, crouched between her thighs, could only stare blankly at the pictures, a look of confusion painted on his face. Other times, he was slow at responding to perceptions, as though lost in thought.

Four year olds should be able to read on their own.

Asians may mistakenly think the boy is meek.

That;s what happens when you force toddlers to play with toys beyond their years. But Asians do that to save money. Why buy cubes and bricks when it will be set aside next year?

Penny wise, pound foolish. When children can’t understand what they perceive, they will just resign. If I can’t get it anyhow, why try?

Only an individual, but long-term developmental implication, that goes on to affect the entire nation.

I suggest this because I have been reading on Developmental Neuroscience and Psychology in my free time lately.

So we want to reform or not?