What the year 2012 means to me

It’s finally the year 2012 – the year that many anticipated this world to end. But for me, 2012 is the beginning of a new phase in life. Making my 1st book, “I’m not sick, just a bit unwell” available for purchase and download on the internet was the first step and it has spread awareness internationally. The book could be downloaded for free on Amazon on Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day of 2011. Within those three days, “I’m not sick, just a bit unwell” was downloaded more than 1,000 times. Amazon UK recorded the highest number of downloads while Amazon USA came second. The book can now be purchased at USD0.99 a copy on Amazon in the month of January 2012. If you live in a country which Amazon has a market in, and if you have the Amazon Kindle, a smartphone or tablet PC with the Kindle app, you can easily download e-books like this to read on your electronic devices.

My new year’s resolution is to start working on my 2nd book. I already have the skeleton and a waiting publisher – the one that turned my 1st book into electronic format. I just have to stay focused and diligent at writing it.

Over the past year or so, I seem to have undergone some physiological changes that caused me to gain some weight, reduced my physical activity, changed my perception towards the environment and altered my personality somewhat. Writing my book requires me to sit in isolation and think for hours continuously, but I would rather be in communication with people these days. That is a change. Maybe I have grown more comfortable in my own skin, but while I can now better appreciate life in solitude, I have also grown so comfortable with myself that I am more open to others than before.

I have been told that my presence is comforting to others. I somehow put them at ease and make them forget about what was stressing them just an hour ago. So, I am trying to spend more time away from the computer and be in people’s company in real life to make a difference for others. This is why I appreciate every invitation and every opportunity to give motivational talks – because I have realized that it is not just my speech that motivates, it is my presence too.

Now, you might be wondering about my health especially since the sudden scare last week. A lot has happened in the past two weeks ever since I noticed that my head felt uncomfortable. It still does today, but the amazing thing about humans is our extraordinary ability to adapt and tolerate discomforts. The pressure in my brain has become tolerable, I have gotten used to it. But it’s impact on my vision is no mistake. It also drains me physically. Last week, Syahidah visited me at home with Satay as Christmas present. After talking with her in the kitchen for almost an hour, I suddenly look drained. In August 2011, we were fundraising at a two-day seminar in Genting Highlands where I was physically active yet not drained like this. Several others who paid me visits in the past two weeks have also noticed how I would suddenly look drained. If I choose to, I can easily tolerate this as well and not investigate any further into the cause. But knowing just how easy it is to overlook abnormalities is also the reason why I must stay vigilant and follow through with my quest to seek medical attention. After all, I want to continue giving motivational talks, and to do that, I must maintain my health.

A lot of neurosurgeons were on holiday throughout the past two weeks. I have requested Medicolegal of the NIH to send a copy of my medical records between October 2010 and December 2011 to Dr. Lekovic in Los Angeles and another copy to me in Malaysia. I hope the files arrive quickly. In the meantime, I also intend to seek a second opinion from the NF2 clinic at Harvard Medical School since they are dedicated to NF2 treatment and research. A local hospital just a stone’s throw away from my den has also offered to help in any way they can and is waiting for my medical records from the NIH to arrive.

Since the day my health took a twist recently, many people have come forward to help me raise funds for the impending treatments and offer their moral support. Their support and encouragement have been very comforting to me.

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Last three Ambigram XXL in brown color

I found three pieces of Ambigram t-shirts in XXL size and in brown color today. I thought that I didn’t have them anymore until these three pieces surfaced.

Would anyone like to have one of them? They are the last three of this size, color and design.

RM30.00 per piece.

E-mail me at yvonnefmn(at)gmail(dot)com if you are keen.

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For a helpful doctor

A very supportive and helpful anesthetic medical officer of a local public hospital wants to find ways of helping me apart from helping to sell my books and t-shirts on her end. To help her better understand my medical history and background, I wrote the following information down and sent it to her this morning. You might find it useful too.

History

August 2002 – Multiple thoracic spine tumor removal
Dr. Johari Siregar, Chief Neurosurgeon of Kuala Lumpur General Hospital

April 2003 – Partial Right Acoustic Neuroma removal – Brain.
Dr. Johari Siregar, Chief Neurosurgeon of Kuala Lumpur General Hospital

September 2004 – Complete Right Acoustic Neuroma removal – Brain.
Dr. Rick Friedman and Dr. William Hitselberger, House Research Institute

October 2006 – Complete Left Acoustic Neuroma removal. Auditory Brainstem Implant placement- Brain. Jugular Foramen Meningioma debulked.
Dr. Rick Friedman and Dr. William Hitselberger, House Research Institute

November 2008 – Decompression of the right optic nerve, Optic Nerve Sheath Meningioma de-bulked.
Dr. Gregory Lekovic and Dr. Marc Schwartz, House Research Institute

March 2009 – Gamma Knife radiosurgery treatment of an Optic Nerve Sheath Meningioma.
Dr. David Huang and Dr. Gregory Lekovic, Good Samaritan Hospital

May 2009 – Surgical removal of an Olfactory Groove Meningioma.
Dr. Gregory Lekovic and Dr. Marc Schwartz, House Reaearch Institute

December 2009 – Surgical removal of a Trigone Meningioma at the brain’s Left Lateral Ventricle. The Contralateral Trancallosal Surgical Approach was used successfully.
Dr. Gregory Lekovic and Dr. Marc Schwartz, House Research Institute

August 2010 – Fenestration of the left lateral ventricle and implantation of a ventriculo-peritoneal shunt.
Dr. Gregory Lekovic, House Research Institute

October 2011 – Resection of subcutaneous peripheral nerve sheath tumor – right leg.
Dr. Ashok Asthagiri and Dr. Michael Cirivello, U.S. National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke

Remarks:

My tumors are under close monitoring by doctors at the U.S. National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke under a four-year research program that studies the natural history of NF2. At the U.S. National Institute of Health, I am monitored by a variety of medical specialists such as neuro-opthalmologists, ENT specialists, speech and language therapists, physiotherapists, occupational therapists, and so on.

My goal now is to look for other doctors in developed countries whose experience and knowledge on NF2 is comparable, if not better than, my surgeons at the House Research Institute and the U.S. National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke.

Dr. Lim Heng Tien at Assunta Hospital believes that there are a set of bilateral tumors in my third ventricle that are partially obstructing the flow of Cerebrospinal fluid, leading to an increased pressure in the brain. He also highlighted a cranial tumor at the anterior fossa of my right brain. I personally suspect that the mass effect of this cranial tumor at the anterior fossa of my right brain may be affecting my vision and causing me headache when I physically exert myself.

My surgeon at the U.S. National Institute of Neurological Disorder and Stroke is also monitoring the cranial tumor. But he is looking out for any new weakness in my left arm and left leg as indication that the tumor needs to be removed, and not the kind of symptoms that I am experiencing, which are vision disturbance and headache that comes with physical exertion.

Another question I have now is whether there really are tumors in my third ventricle as Dr. Lim Heng Tien said there were, because my surgeons in the U.S. do not think there are any so far.

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If you are an NF2 doctor, I need your help

My surgeons at the House Clinic in Los Angeles and the National Institute of Neurological Disorder and Stroke in Maryland have not come to a conclusion as to what is causing the pressure I feel in my brain. As different doctors may interpret CT and MRI scans differently, I hope that other doctors experienced in the surgical managament of NF2 from around the world would come forward to help me determine the cause of my symptoms. Your help is much needed. Thank you in advance.

Contact me by e-mail at: yvonnef(at)gmail(dot)com

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The ambiguity continues

On Friday evening, my CT scans were zipped and sent to the surgeons via a free online file-sharing service. They reviewed it but did not see any tumors in my third ventricle like the Malaysian surgeon I saw said there was. I also told the L.A. surgeon about the Malaysian doctor’s in-depth opinion, but he said that it didn’t appear to be very sound.

I continued to tell the L.A. surgeon about changes in my vision and pressure in my brain that affects me when I physically exert myself. He then said I should get this checked out by an ophthalmologist. But I told him that I’ve been seeing Ophthalmologists at the NIH during my visits over the past one year. But my vision disturbance is not testable and does not show up on eye exams. In fact, they found that my visual acuity has improved since the Gamma Knife treatment we did in March 2009.

Then, I remembered another thing the Malaysian surgeon highlighted. It has to do with the cranial tumor just beneath the skull on the right hemisphere of my brain. It measures 2.54cm. I suspect that this tumor may also be causing a mass effect on my brain as it hurts me sometimes. This tumor happens to be located above and near the right optic chiasm. My NINDS surgeon has been aware about this tumor and is closely monitoring it. But he is watching out for any signs of weakness in my left arm and leg as an indication for surgery instead. Vision disturbance has not been mentioned as a possible symptom that I need to look out for, so although I’ve been experiencing vision changes for over a year, no conclusion has been drawn.

My concerns now are:

1. Are there really tumors in my third ventricle?
2. Is the right cranial tumor causing my vision disturbance and other difficulties with physical exertion?

CT scan showing the cranial tumor

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My ebook is available on Amazon

Kia Kaha Press has published a digital version of my book, “I’m not sick, just a bit unwell – Life with Neurofibromatosis” which is available for download internationally from Amazon.com. To help me raise funds, Kia Kaha Press will be giving me 100% of proceeds from book sales and will not be taking any cut.

Purchase and download the ebook here: I’m not sick, just a bit unwell

There is also a three-day promotion. The book is available for free on Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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The likely culprits – Ventricular tumors

I went to see the neurosurgeon I met on Monday again to get clarification from him this evening. It turned out that I misunderstood him on Monday. What he meant was there are two tumors at my brain’s posterior fossa at the 3rd ventricle which are obstructing the flow of CSF. They are a set of bilateral tumors, namely Candle Wax Tumors which are giant cell tumors in the ventricular system arising from the ventricular wall.

The frontal lobe is dilated as a result of this. This is something I can feel.The right side of my forehead feels full and hurts sometimes. This is putting pressure onto my right eye, making my vision blurry and dull.

Now, this is interesting. I have been complaining about vision changes for some time. My vision gets worse with physical exertion which I suspect could be related to my cerebrospinal fluid.

Next step – I am getting second opinions on this.

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